ravenrook

howdy. I'm trying to stay off social media but also I haven't been able to work for 2 weeks so I'm at my wit's end. this is better than tumblr at least lol.

I have a rare sleep disorder called idiopathic hypersomnia. from the outside, it looks like narcolepsy: I fall asleep a lot, I'm very tired all the time, I would sleep like 14 hours a day before I was diagnosed. but while we have some idea about the genetic basis and physiological mechanisms for narcolepsy, we know so much less about IH. there's no cure, so I'm in the phase of getting prescribed a random assortment of stimulants to see what will allow me to function. narcolepsy medicine (a non-amphetamine stimulant) has helped. on medication, I sleep around 8-12 hours per night, but I usually still get sleepy in the afternoon and need to take a nap. so they tried to increase the dose of that medication (note that they were increasing me to the regular adult dose, nothing crazy). that did not go well. imagine the worst caffeine rush you've ever had but then add a crushing amount of existential dread and feeling like someone just shot your puppy. I go back down to the half dose.

at the same time, I've been taking an NDRI (norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitor, like an SSRI but for different neurotransmitters) for at least a year or two. so I go to my psychiatrist and she thinks that since the stimulant acts on dopamine, maybe the NDRI is why I'm overreacting. and my lack of energy is definitely part of why I'm depressed, so maybe I won't need the antidepressant if we can get the sleep stuff under control. we cut the NDRI and went back up on the stimulant. this was about a week ago and I've been in an absolute haze ever since. I very easily could've stayed in bed all day every day. at one point I got up and tried to fold my laundry and just sitting up caused so much pain that I couldn't do it. it was like my body didn't even have a crumb of energy to send to the muscles needed to keep me upright. needless to say, my depression and my sleep both got worse. and now I'm back where I started 3 months ago.

today's the first day I went back up on my NDRI so I'm kind of having the worst of both worlds at the moment. I'm physically jittery but mentally asleep. I have a ton of stuff I need to catch up on from my week of emptiness. I've just decided that maybe it's best if I take it easy today so I can do all the things I want to do tomorrow. cause there's a lot. man I feel like shit.

well. bis bald, hasta luego, ĝis revido, whatever you prefer